i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
im on a boat
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