And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
