im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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