I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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