Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
