Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
