You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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