i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
