Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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