Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
