When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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