So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
