I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
