508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
