Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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