dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They took my balls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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