God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she looked like the before picture.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
