distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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