Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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