it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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