I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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