its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
