it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
