Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
love makes seman taste better
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
