Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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