we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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