Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
