but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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