dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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