do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
