roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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