there was a trapeze. enough said
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
