Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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