yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
