____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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