It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
