yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
