gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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