so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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