if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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