we're blogging at a bar
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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