my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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