you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
