Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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