my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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