y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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