whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
