Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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