I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There are leaves in my underwear?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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