So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
