for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
