You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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