8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
