Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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