areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
