You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
