you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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