similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
