your parents love me but you hate me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
