Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
