Buhtt sex?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
