He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
