Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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