There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
