you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
