I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
