ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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