I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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