Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
