Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
