i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
