Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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