I just cut my nipple shaving
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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