Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
