the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
