so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
