She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
