Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
