where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
