I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
