Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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