i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize