I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
only you would photoshop your dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
