there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
