I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
