If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
