Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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