i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a beard to bite.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
