You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
