is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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