We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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