Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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