guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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